I'm fucking mad.

Angry. and

Disappointed

at myself! I'm so

Angry

I don't know what to do or say!

Errgh! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!

I'm so pent up and frustrated! Ah!

I'm so fessed up I don't wish to talk to anyone. Because I know that it won't be nice. I'm in the firing mood right now.

SHUT THE FUCK UP RUZAINI!

DON'T THINK.

STOP THINKING!

AND DON'T TALK YOU BITCH!

JUST DON'T! OK!

OK!

ENOUGH ALREADY! ENOUGH!

ENOUGH HURTING OTHER PEOPLE!

STOP IT! ENOUGH!

ENOUGH! IT'S GOTTA STOP!

STOP THINKING!

DON'T THINK! IT'S FUCKING RUDE!

DON'T THINK! STOP THINKING!

AND LOOK AROUND...JUST LOOK!

LOOK AND BE AWARE!

OPEN YOU EYES AND EARS!

GROW UP!

BE A PERSON! HUMANE!

DROP WHATEVER YOU'RE THINKING!

BE DEAD! JUST DIE! JUST....DIE!!!

IT'S INCORRIGIBLE!

This...this whatever you're doing! Don't think the world revolves around you because it doesn't! And no one is going to stop and attend to you. You're just a fucking somebody. Just a somebody! Anybody!

Grab hold of yourself and hit hard! Stop pretending that people has got to attend specially for you because they don't. They don't always care for you. They have their own matters to attend to! You've got to be up and on your own! Stop thinking that you are the centre of the universe. It's sick! And it sickens people! Sick I tell you! Sick!

Take a fucking good look around. Look! Don't say that people are difficult to attend to or please when it's just you! Yes, you fucker! It's just you! You!

You are the one that's fucking hard to please and entertain and get close to. It is you! Not someone else, but you! The problem lies in you! You are the problem! You are your own problem! Look no further or anywhere around. It is just you Ruzaini! YOU! You are the difficult and ridiculous one!

No! No! Don't say that it's others when you yourself is the problem! Yes you are! Look no further you fucking motherfucker bitch! Just look down and at YOURSELF!

What have you got to look at in others that you don't see for yourself? What's in others that you don't see in you! You are the matter! You are the cause! You! Stop looking around and pushing the blame AND TRYING TO FUCKING RATIONALISE!

DON'T!

DON'T RATIONALISE!

IT IS NOT A MATTER OF RATIONALISING!

IT'S A MATTER OF ACCEPTING! Accepting the fact that you're problematic and pent up and frustrated and irritating and annoying and ridiculous!

You are a joke of your own kind you damn fucker!

Don't say and tell others they have changed when it is you who have! Don't say that they are difficult. Stop saying that! Stop pushing the blame around and let the finger point at you! Accept the fact that it is you who's the difficult one! Point the finger at yourself!

AT YOURSELF!

YOURSELF!

IT'S FUN ISN'T IT?

WHEN IT'S NOT YOU?

HUH? HUH?!

FUN RIGHT!?!

Fun's over and get real! You are nothing but a piece of shit who broods and whines and seeks attention from others and rationalise things thinking you're all smart and all-knowing.

You think you're so good and intelligent and all-knowing, right?! Condeming others with your "wisdom" that comes from your fucking arse! Your friend is right.

YOU ARE A RIDICULOUS AND DAMNABLE BITCH! JUST GO AND DIE! GO AND DIE!

JUST!

GO!

AND!

DIE! YOU CIBAI SHITHEAD!

JUST GO!