Decoy

Not been updating. Duh you can tell. It's cause been occupied with rehearsals and filling free-time with friends (catching up on what's happened) and also self-reflecting. New year, new start. Or at least, something different. Ideally, something better. Truthfully, same old same old.

Still pegged with remorse. Blame my adamant behaviour. Old habits die hard. I have this hope. But here's the felony: it's not meant to be conjured to begin with.

The Show Must Go On - Queen

Empty spaces - what are we living for
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score
On and on, does anybody know what we are looking for...

Another hero, another mindless crime
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime
Hold the line, does anybody want to take it anymore

The show must go on,
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on.

Whatever happens, Ill leave it all to chance
Another heartache, another failed romance
On and on, does anybody know what we are living for?

I guess Im learning, I must be warmer now
Ill soon be turning, round the corner now
Outside the dawn is breaking
But inside in the dark Im aching to be free

The show must go on
The show must go on
Inside my heart is breaking
My make-up may be flaking
But my smile still stays on

(bridge)
My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies
Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die
I can fly - my friends

The show must go on
The show must go on
Ill face it with a grin
Im never giving in
On - with the show -
Ill top the bill, Ill overkill
I have to find the will to carry on
On with the -
On with the show -
The show must go on

Backed with an intention the Hope, sadly, cannot be silenced that easily. It's become relentless. But why complain over something that's done for? It's evident our relationship cannot go any further. Perhaps it's because I've not given up, yet. As Jugde Dredd says it in Aids Anthology: Hope is but gibberish to make people stop giving up.

Tell him this: What a fucker you are!

So I continue acting. It's after all what I've been training for. It's my life now. Even Astri cannot recognise her bestie anymore. What I can only do is to cry and move on. I've disappointed myself and my friends. And maybe even my family, especially my parents. But regradless of what has happened and what is going to happen now...

I have to find the will to carry on
On with the -
On with the show -
The show must go on

And Kent...I love you. I know you don't read my blog and that my readers know about him because only my friends read my blog. So it's rather safe to bin it in the virtual world. He's my friend. And it has been staying as that all this while. He ain't my boyfriend. He's a close friend and a confidante.

He's the perfect guy. But he's meant for someone else. Now you see why I'm heartbroken? Someone else will fill up his place but till then...I'm just going to laugh it all out. Hell yeah It's fake. But to fake a happiness is anyhow better than wallowing in sadness, agree? So laugh it all out Ruzaini. Laugh it all out...

Hahahahahahahahaha. Hahahahahahahahahaha. Hahahahahahahahahaha. Hahahahahahahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Love ya'll