I'm almost 20 this year. And there are things I was proud I did and some I wasn't. But I cannot change much anyway. I can make what is to come better, that's what I can do. I think that is what I'll do.
But what? What is it that I wanna better? My psyche? Personality? Image? What? There are so many...
Maybe I'll start with the way I write. I realise I'm not a good writer. I'm not good with words but I try to be. In the end, it becomes messy and incomprehensible. I wanna write like Sarah, Su, Iris Murdoch, Margaret Atwood because I find it nice. The way they write is very good. The words they choose and the way they write their sentences. It's complex yet simple. It can be understood. I tried to write like them. But when I do, it becomes retarded. My sentences are horrible. And it's obvious that I have poor command of the language. And it's fucking embarrassing! Kakaka...
And acting. I wanna learn how to act properly. To be a good actor. To act and react as the character and not as me. This is very hard. It's harder than I thought. Have you tried?
And my outlook on things in general. I realise I need to be more accepting and more critical in my thinking. It's too naive still. I'm 20 (soon) for heaven sake. At least have a better mindset. How am I going to survive in university if my mindset is still so childish?
And this of course has got something to do the way I write. I need to write better, dammit! Maybe I should read more...then practise writing and penning my thoughts.
Or should I approach subject matters that are more related to me and my age? I don't want to sound too old, nor too amateur. Yet I want to point out my views. Oh I know! I can still talk about the things I want but now I just have to be more careful of how I would write them. Ya. That way I won't sound too old nor too unknowing. I think this is a workable solution. Am I doing it now? Kakaka...I think I am. And it feels better too. Kakaka...
And of course when you're more comfortable with the way you write your views will come across, right people? It's "cleaner", less contrived and more apt. I guess I was having problem with the brevity. Hopefully, it's not anymore. Tell me if I am. I wanna clock my progress.
With regards to my image...I'm now in the mood of not dressing up. Yes people. I'm not dressing up whenever I go out. I wanna look thrashy to fashion aficionados but not to the ordinary people who know nuts about fashion and style but still dare to make a statement. Hats off to them. Well, I guess cause I like to tease. Yeah...I'm a teaser. Like many people in Singapore. By looking at the way they dress, you'd never thought they'd be living in a big house and driving around in luxurious cars and having high IQ. I like this game of teasing. So I decide to play too. You should, it's fun. Kakaka...
One reason is because I'm running out of clothes to wear. I've practically done all the possible permutations of tops and pants and accesories and tried them all. So that means I have to stock up my wardrobe but I'm low on "moolah" (to use Tannie's word). That's why I've to tone down on the dressing up bit. Haiks...So now I'm dressing to be comfortable and look decent. Presentable lah to safely put it. Sorry. I'm guilty if charged.
That's all I have to think now.
Love ya'll
No comments:
Post a Comment