...that is to say...

i'm 21. and this shouldn't be a worry or something of that sort but i really feel left out not being in a relationship before.

I KNOW! LIKE WTH AM I WORRYING OR SHOULD BE? it's not something major or what.

but here's the thing...i feel like it is. 

21: single, virgin, haven't drunk / smoke /getta tattoo, feel any sense of importance. man, i do feel pathetic. for having this feeling, and having the thought of having this feeling. like i got nothing better to do. or anything interesting to keep me company but to dwell on such menial stuffs. shux!

and now i think i'm childish. a man with a child's mind and child's thinking. maybe that is why i'm not making more friends than i can; they get put off by my stupidity and naivety. right?

this is not overthinking. this is just...considering (a thought).

one of the play in short and sweet is about alzheimer's. and it states that: keeping the mind and body active can and will help to prevent diseases. so i'm just keeping my mind busy with...thoughts.

maybe it's because they don't get me. or maybe that's too cliche / passe.

now i know why i couldn't make it to VS/RI/VJ/RJ/Law Fac/any elite schools. i'm way too dumb be a... a... manager even! hahak aka (that is to say) - not cut out for it.

i'm not that intelligent always = sometimes i'm not that smart = sometimes i am intelligent. so which one am i looking at (most of the time)? hmmph...

(to see that i'm even considering says something, right?)

and this is what i mean!!! i think what i think and write is something intelligent / adult-sounding but after re-reading, it's utter rubbish. *heres another one: i'm uttering rubbish! (AH! HELP ME. SAVE ME FROM ME!).

(i'm resisting the urge to change and rewrite what i've written but i won't cause i want to see it written down, and look at my mistake and...the restis history.)

at this point - i feel like a total idiot. *sobs and cries and wails.

haiks ruzaini, ruzaini...or (is it) zaini, zai, ruzai, nini, didi, ujai, zu, ruru, ruzini, ruzaiynie, ....