uhm...i am not happy with my b'day celebration ytd. well, mainly cause it wasn't a celebration. no cake, present, out with frens. hahak. the supposed big 21 is a big disppointment to me. i wanted more but nothing. mum tried but she's pregnant. i utd. dad is hush hush. siti made a card for me. i thought it was sweet. and zahid wished me at night ( around 8).
the fact that i could remember it all is not a good thing. cause if there had been more activities, i will remember the important ones. those memorable ones. but since i've only got the wish and hush, and that's all i can remember...so it's memorable? (cause it's stuck in my memory.)
no point blogging about this bad thing. maybe sth better coming as i learnt from last friday's congregation: tmr is better than today. all i need is gumption and patience. and oh faith.
last friday i attended von's b'day celebration. it was big and partying all happening but i didn't do much cause i don't know the rest of them - when i came only his jc friends were there. i wanted to try the drinks but decided not to. i said to myself, i shouldn't. the next day when i woke up: i realised that the day i have that drink and sleep with a man is the day i forsake my religion. my religion! not god! it felt wrong. i felt worse but helpless. why did i even think of that? religion before god. sish. i'm sure damned. =(
but then again, maybe i thought wrong. after all (on that day) i haven't had sleep for about 28hours. so maybe my brain went bonkers. hahak.