Thursday, 19 June 2008


How do we analyse language? There are a few actually. Read a book. Talk to Someone. Or come up with your own hypothesis. Universally, we use a textbook written by linguists or psychologists to understand spoken, written, sign or body language as reference. For me, I refer to books like How Language Works by David Crystal.

From reading his book I learnt that lexemes form the basis of language, not words; words are simply arbitrary constants, they have no meaning on their own. It is through understanding what it's meant to represent then would the word have a 'meaning'. And we get this from the study of semantics - the study of word meaning. After which we come to study the sentence to get 'the sense' of what something mean or is being referred to. This is where discourse and pragmatics come into the picture. Discourse is the phrases/clauses where the 'meaning' of the sentence lie - expressed in either active or passive form - and pragmatics is the study of how the language varies according to the social context. Thus, affecting the general rule i.e. grammar. And through all these we get speech acts, or better known as conversation (as a mean as communicating).

I finally know what's my problem: everything! I don't know what to do or where to go with what is there for me to use. I am bad at choosing and deciding. So that's how I ended up as sounding 'clumsy'.

That aside, I don't know what to study later at university. I still don't know what's best for me. More time? Is it necessary?

But I learn one thing though: not to get too close to someone too quickly.

The following lines are from Elizabeth: The Golden Age

Sir Walter: Why do you speak like a fool when you are anything but a fool?

Elizabeth: A fool? Yes, I am a vain and foolish woman.

The following is taken from King Lear(2.4.62-78):

Fool: We'll set thee to school to an ant, to teach thee there's no labouring i'th'winter. All that follow by the noses are led by their eyes but blind men, and there's not a nose among twenty but can smell him that's stinking. Let go thy hold when a great wheel runs down a hill, lest it break thy neck with the following. But the great one that goes upward, let him draw thee after. When a wise man gives thee better counsel, give me mine again; I would have none knaves follow it, since a fool gives it.

That sir which serves and seeks for gain
And follows but for form,
Will pack it when it begins to rain
And leave thee in the storm.
But I will tarry, the fool will stay,
And let the wise man fly;
The knave turns fool that runs away,
The fool know knave, perdy.

Sometimes it's better to be the fool, then to fool one's self; it's more virtuous.

Love ya'll

Friday, 13 June 2008

When a man airs his laundry

Like this would ever happen. He cannot even do his own laundry let alone air them. He's only good at taking them off and chucking them aside. Come on guys, let them know what you've been doing behind the doors...

Haiya. Whatever for. It's no secret anyway. I don't need statistics to tell me. Lancome Man, Chanel Man, L'oreal Men, Biotherm Men series, Clinique for Men, Clarins Men...they are quite loud you know.

That exposed, I am happier. It's a good evolution for us men. Show to tell, instead of show and tell. Story-telling do get old sometimes.

But I do need guidance and help on one thing: being a good modern man. Are you one? If you aren't, watch this:

(I poach from Su's blog without her knowing. Hehe) How I hope I can find one that fits the profile.

Don't you just love the Modern Man? They are simply more sexy and irresistible. Lol.

And being part-man (other part, boy), I finally learn to see and look, hear and listen, speak and talk, and be infantile-ly adult. Goodness help.

Deputy-secretary-general of the Rudzy's administration has. Design is expression, fashion is a statement, and style is personality. Influence influence Influence. Unjustifiable E-cupless but still fantabulous diva extraordinaire utters logic and runs away. Incongruity takes him apart. Danger plays with his toes. Tapping fingers to silence. Depression-therapy. Sees the dark and walks towards the man awaiting his coming. Sexing and petting. Religious controversy. Headlining. Awaiting patience, seeping silence. Gorgeous gown, white palate. Dull rainbow and colourful grey to fill the Life bottle. None other but yours truly. No more keeping but people waiting. Destructuring conventions. Appalling grammar. Breaking free. Tieing restraint. Break the ice. Kaput-ing. Sent for rehab. Hungry for love.

Love ya'll

Friday, 6 June 2008

I want a differing view

I want to be free like a bird...

Doesn't he see what he has?
For what good it brings and stories to tell
Goodness, no!

Did he ask why?
Forbid to speak
Thus, no!

Isn't he the slightest bit curious?
By the garden of Edens
Of course!

Why then does he keep quiet?
For the better good
It's better!

"For the better" by whose standards?
Well by the universe

Hasn't he thought of it as foolish?
Better than to err

Who does he fear?
By the name that says it all

What does he wish to be?
A bird!

Why a bird?
As the sun dawns on the land beyond
The vast space has he!
With nothing holding him down
He roams free!

Think again.

Think again?

Think again.

What's there to?

Has he a vast space to fly?
Is there really nothing holding him down?
Is he truly free?

A bickering pause as mountains move, valleys part, volcanoes explode and winds blow their strongest yet.

That is why he chose not to ask.
Even if curiosity brims, greater is the power of the mind.
Even to limit a limit, to space the space in between, to question a question, to answer an answer
There is, and forever will be, a greater greater.

Words will carry no meaning.
Time will have no purpose.
And Art has lost its culture.

Everything is gone.
Nothing will stay.
What's left?

A pause. A strong ray of blinding light seeps in between, shadowing what's in its way.

The nose can smell no more.
The ears can hear no more.
The eyes can see no more.
The mouth can speak no more.
The mind can touch no more.

A pause. The strong ray of light scissors what's left, even the finest.

I stand alone at the gates of choice. With me are my pain, sorrow and happiness, the three close friends that I never leave behind. I am not sure what to do next, or what to happen. But this I know for sure: when that gates open, I'll...

Love ya'll

Sunday, 1 June 2008


Had it been easier, it'll not be called Life...

If only I could tell you for real how it is. If only I could explain and make it less complicated. If only you'd finally accept. My life will be happier and guilt-free. Has it been this hard for some people? Why do I question this kinda things? It's quite clear there is no way around it. Maybe there is...but...nah, I don't think you'll do it. But then again some things aren't predictable. I'm becoming stupid. It's no wonder I get corrected most of the time. Ruzaini, help yourself! Well if it suddenly works out, what happens next? Wouldn't it very awkward? Turns out, we'll drift apart even further and faster. Like the story from the book The Glass Cathedral. Then, I'll learn my lesson. No! No! No! I can't bear that. I'll plunge to manic depression and die. How's that for living Life? But I would love to be with you. But it just can't. Unless you change (which will not happen). I need to move on. But it's so hard. Yet I have to. Would getting a surrogate or substitute be good? sounds like a good idea. Now where can I get one? No where, duh! Help! What's the use, no one is going to hear anyway less listen. I can say all I want but no one would talk. I can't move. Gosh...I need to move! Why am I stuck in this place. I know why, cause I'm fat hence high inertia. Don't give me thoughts. But oh please do. It feels so good to feel them. Is this love? But how can a good feeling be mixed with a horrible sensation at the same time? The juxtaposition is just wrong yet it's quite uncanny. Can I marry the two? Now that's a recipe for disaster! But everything has to be in balance for it to work, right? So that would mean it's good for both the good feeling and horrible sensation to coexist (man that sounds very animal but, errgh, whatever)...really? Nope. Some things can exist in balance but this kinda things, especially when at the centre of it you have the heart, mixing the two will not work. It'll be a conflict of interest and soon, I'll self-destruct. But it's better to self-destruct now especially when I'm feeling like crap. I've nothing to gain but everything to lose. Might as well lose everything at one go and atone. Atone? Was it a sin to love? Yes. Especially when it's the wrong person. It's a carnal sin, the eighth. But I've never lust over - . Don't lie. Oh okay, sometimes but it's to a harmless degree (aka with the top off). Whatever. You are greedy for wanting all to yourself. It's not greed! You're right, it's selfish. It's...What? Nothing. So how now? I don't know...I'm not happy because I'm guilty.

I hate myself for falling.

Love ya'll