Friday, 30 March 2007

Spot the similarities

I just finished reading Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood a couple of days ago and what struck me the most is the stark similarities between Catholicism and Islam.

In the novel, mentioning and showing of the leg was forbidden, for the women. And so was for unmarried woman to be in a room with a man, so as to avoid fornication which carries a heavy penalty. Even some of the religious connotations mentioned are far too similar.

Then during the weekly Friday's congregation just now, the imam (the man who leads the prayers) told us that Prophet Muhammad was born during the break of dawn. And so was Jesus, according to the Christian. And that when he (prophet Muhammad) came into the world, his house was brightly illuminated. It was a beautiful scene. The world knows that a new messenger has arrived. Isn't it similar to how Christ was born?

The main diffrence among the religions is God. Other than that, the teachings are very much similar. All religion teach its people to respect the right of others, to help those in need, to maintain a good relationship with the people whom you know, to maintain cleaniness- not only on in terms of physical self but also spiritual self; to list a few among the many others.

Therefore, with these many similarities I don't get why do people still show hostility towards others- discrimination and prejudism.

Tuesday, 27 March 2007


I am sure you people have watched the winner for the NEmation Total Defence advertisement on tv. And that you guys would agree with the tag line, "Doesn't mean...we should..." It is reminding us to not be complacent with what we have. I like it a lot. I think it is very creative and compelling, especially when the threats mention in the advert are happening faster than we would have expected.

Recently, The Straits Times and other newspapers have been reporting on the news regarding the import of granite from Indonesia that sparks controversy, the ridiculous punishment Malaysian policemen are giving to Singapore cars and the conflicts in Thailand. Although Thailad is further than our two neighbours, the haze problem still gets to us. And the political and religious tensions that are escalating might reach Singapore sooner than we think. Therefore, we need to be more wary and not be easily influenced. If there is anything that Social Studies has taught me is that having an internal problem will be harder to curb than external ones. The fall of Venice as a Superpower in the 16th century is due to corruption within the government and the lack of proper governance.

Sometimes I don't know who to blame- the government or those other than them. If Singapore is having a supposedly good relations with Malaysia, then why are the Johor policemen charging Singapore cars for stupid reasons such as not having a coupon for red plate cars or tinted windows? It bugs me that they are picking on nitty gritty stuff. Yes we understand your devastation and desperation, but must you loot and ill-treat us? And since the problem is only prevalent in Johor, perhaps it is just them and not the entire Malaysia. And that the leaders in the two countries are not at fault. However, are they?

I don't think Malaysia has let the issue of Singapore's refusal to build a third causeway go. The bridge is almost ready. If you you going in from Woodlands, you can see it and there you go thinking,"I thought the idea was abolished?" The water issue is still on-going, though it has managed to escape from the media's frenzy publicity. I don't know if the dispute between the two countries over Pedra Branca is over. And the land reclamation project over at the north of Singapore, Singapore denies going into Malaysian borders. It's true, she is just a few metres away from her neighbour; the new distance is just a few more metres than where she was. But I'm sure the Singapore government is doing something to rectify the matters. We just wait for the news. Sometimes I don't know if the Singapore government are doing it purposely or just trying their luck testing their bilateral relationship.

And with Indonesia? I don't think it's fair to point the fingers at the Singapore government because they were just as shocked as we were about the "illegal import of granite to Singapore". (Hrmmph...I wonder if they really were? But that's not important.) Their reason: the granite in our country is depleting at such tremendous rate! Well, whose fault is it? You should have done your calculations and informed your friend that you are running low on natural resources and that you can only supply her for this period of time only. And not to just call it off at the last minute.

Wait a minute! (play the song wait a miute: wait a minute girl why you do me like that/you take all my money can't even call a player back/wait a minute boy why you tripping like that/you think 'cause you're tricking you can do it all that/wait a minute...) I thought that there was a treaty signed regarding this?! It was in 2002 if I'm not wrong. And in that treaty it says that the period of import of granite would actually end soon. Did George Yeo forget? Sorry ah brother, main-main aje. Cool ah. Go Gwendaline: (in a retardedly cute manner) "wait don't go Mrs Solis, you need to rub my feet. It is for the baby." (no link ;/)

But being a world-class government I'm sure the Singapore government has done something when the date was nearing to discuss the matter further. I guess Indonesia said that they can extend the period, but did not specify till when. I think they weren't in the zone when they said that. I'm sure you understand why (tsunami, plane crash, earthquake, etc). Now, the relationship between the two countries is rather straint and this could actually affect our economy. Haiz...

Now, moving on to the major superpower in the world-USA. If the US government is as competent and good as it claims to be (self-proclaimed or title given ah?), then why is the world- and by that I am referring to the civillians, not the people in politics because they have their tongues stuck to Bush's ass- are against them?

I don't think we are against America as a country. It's just that when we say "US" it seems that we are referring to the entire nation when the fact is that we are directing our fingers to the politicians only. Poor Americans who are blamed for something done by their government. 1, 2, 3 aww...thoughtful right the government? They sent youths who are uneducated to "sacrifice themselves for world-peace" because they cannot study or choose not to. At least they won't waste their lives in prisons. Vey good-thinking...perhaps Singapore can can follow. I mean hey since when have we not ditto what other people are doing right?

To be the next City of Lights (Paris), Romance (Venice), Green (Switzerland/New Zealand/Central Park-New York), Sky Scrappers (New York), City never Sleeps (Hong Kong), Entertainment Hub (Paris/Hollywood), Arts Hub (West End) and whatever...whatever...whatever...

Dance So you think you can dance (US). Singapore American Idol (US). Deal or no Deal or no Deal (US). Who wants to be a Who wants to be a Millionaire (US). After FRIENDS (US). Miss Singapore Miss USA. Singapore's Next Top Model, Extreme Makeover...not yet, coming. Just wait. Sure will come. Confirm.

Can't we start something like
-who can be the best whore? (after Annabel of course)
-who has the biggest dick/bust?
-English version of Star Search & Anugerah (this one I think after US got then we sure got one.)
-who wants to be the next paris hilton?
-the hard life

you know...something original. Must be be mini US and China? If Singapore is heading in this direction, then I'm going out of the country (at least for a few years).

Monday, 26 March 2007

Weekend Break (24th & 25th March 2007)

Wa...cannot believe that I never blog for 2/3 days sia. And I survived. I pecah the tradition of blogging everyday. Shit. But it's ok. =)


1. Nothing much during the day. Mundane stuff like waking up and realise that I have jusst missed 20minutes of Pokemon. Sigh.

2. I read Straight Man by I cant remember his name, because it's Spanish. Before you go ooh ooh ah ah la la, the story is anything but gay. It's a story about a 50 year old College Professor who is going through that period- supects his wife is cheating on him, a pay cut, bastard colleagues and caring friends, his mom, getting ED, etc. Very fun and enjoyable book to read.

3. In the afternoon, around 5 ish, I followed my parents to fetch my sister from her religious class. We were late by 30 minutes. Good thing she didn't cry. Then, we went jogging at Pasir Ris Park. Eh I jog for 5km ok! No joke ah! Never knew I got that much stamina. Haha. Felt healthier already.

4. Then I did something I don't know if it's good or bad. We went for dinner at Bedok Corner after much deliberating. Always the problem...And guess what I ate? 1 bowl of ice-kachang and Cheng Tng. Why? Firstly because I have been craving for ice-kachang for a long time. And he one there not nice. Rather blend. Should try the one at Geylang Market. Fuyoh! Sedap gila, power! Got oomph! Haha. And when you are at Bedok Corner food centre, it's a must to have the cheng tng. The best in Singapore, or at least in the east side. So there it explains.

5. And then we went Mustafa. My sister wanted to go and my dad wasn't sleepy yet. I didn't wanna go cause I think I was stinking, though I wasn't. Bought a few stuffs like my new pimple and acne cream fom Himalyas. The only one that seems to have an effect on my skin. Yay! On the way to the car, I came across many Indian soldiers who were probably having a break in Singapore and $50 men. And a male couple kissing, on the cheeks la of course. Very loving.

6. Fetch my brother from work, so reach home around 11.30pm. I was so exhausted that after bathing, praying and facial I went straigh to bed and it didn't take long before I knocked out.


1. Woke up around 10. Followed my dad to work (part-time). Then had breakfast at Changi. I had rice with dishes.

2. After breakfast cum lunch, therefore brunch, we went Pulau Ubin! This I guess was the highlight of the day. We didn't go far. Just went to the beach nearest to the what they call? Dock is it? Haiya, you know la what I am referring to. Dad went fishing while sis went wadding. Me and mom, sat on the beach. It was a sultry afternoon, not to mention boring. Good thing I bought Style magazine and The Straits Times. So at least there some thing to do. And guess what? This month issue, Style gave free flip-flop. It was not that small. good thing someone with a size 11 can fit. Phew. And Utt was in it! Yay! He is also in the Travel section of 8 days last week (19th-25th March 2007). So cute...haha. Ok asides aside. I like his modelling poses. =)

3. Since it was only 4.30pm, we decide to go home first.

4. Slept for awhile. Woke up around 8 ish, pray then go off for dinner at Habibi, after much deliberating of course. Had beancurd soup, kangkong and lemon chicken. Yum yum! It was 9.30pm. I told my mom to sent me home cause I wanted to watch Ugly Betty! reached home just in time. Phew...that episode was so funny! On that note, which one isn't?! I was about to go to switch off the TV but decide not to. Like got some impending force stopping me. And then...LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA...AMERICAN NEXT TOP MODEL CYCLE VII PERMIERED! AH!!!! Watch it hen go to sleep...ah, the life.


1. Greenview Sec called today. Thank God. Otherwise, I don't know how else to live with little money. Was sick but I persevered for that $65. Finally, after a gruelling 5.5hours I get to go home with that money. Yay.

2. Reached home around 3pm, had lunch and lulled in bed. Slept till 7.15pm. Surf the net while waiting for Making Miracles to start. haiyo, Fann looks so unglam with that patch on her face. She looks ugly. Finally she can be uglified! =) So I blogged while watching. Then going to watch After Hours for more of Utt and Desperate Housewife. =) Nights people.

Thursday, 22 March 2007

I am a Bitch!

(sing it to the song of some song, go figure)

Who's afraid of the Big Bad Bitch
The Big Bad Bitch
The Big Bad Bitch
Who's afraid of the Big Bad Bitch
la la la la la la la la...

People, am I a bitch? How can I be right? I so fucking nice and cute and polite and decent, not potty mouth...ok maybe not so about the last one. Hahak.

I know that I am not suppose to irritate, infuriate, agitate, annoy, tick, piss, anger, bother, disturb, repugnate (if there's such a word), disgust others. But I can't help it. I seem to be doing this subconciously I realise. Hrmmph...ya I know that it doesn't make sense cause how can I realise something if I'm doing it subconciously, right? Am I a liar now?

Well yes I am a liar. All of us are. According to a study done by BBC, all of us lie about 15 times a week. So parents, don't scold your child when they lie. Cause you do it too. And friends, don't be mad at your friends when they lie cause you do it too. Heh. But I am not for this case. Somehow after being such a fucking potty mouth I sort of like woke up and realise what I have said. Like a cebai don't you think?

I think today I feel like a cebai. Then tomorrow like a dick. The next like Pamela Anderson's used-to-be breast. God knows what will happen on other days.

See I'm doing it now. Being a bitch with all these profanity. Help! And this is how it happens la. I started off as normal. Then digress like big time and start pouting these profanities. Shoot man. Am I schiczo? Oh my gosh...I think I am.


Anyway, thank you for your time. Need to go fetch my sis from school. Shoot I'm late. She comes out at 2.30pm. and now is 2.29pm (on my comp). Ok, da! Enough said. Until next time.

Muakz to you all...!

Anyway, do check out "Beautiful Liar" on youtube. It's by beyonce and Shakira! I know...AH!!!! Cool kan?! =)

Wednesday, 21 March 2007

money=life, ruzaini=no money. therefore: ruzaini=no life (get the math?)

Does the above equation make sense? If it does, that means you are logical. If it doesn't, to you, go see a psychiatrist or your math teacher. If you don't have one, it's high time you seek one. How can you live without math? It's not like sex you know: optional. It's like breathing: necessary. You need math to survive.

When you buy your delicious chocolate (e.g. cadburry, ferrero rocher, mars, snickers, etc.) from the mamak shop downstairs or NTUC or Prime or even Sheng Shiong, you need to pay for them. But before you start to grow vertically, at a rate of .001 inch per second, you need to get ready the money. If you have $2 and the chocolate costs $1.75, what are you gonna do? Cry? Call out for help? The Powerpuff girls or Mr. Muscles? Mustapha (since he has everythning...therefore he must know what to do right?)? The secert service? CIA? What are you gonna go since you don't have exact amount?! That's right! You need math! See the importance of math now?

And if your math is really good, you can have more money. How, you may ask? For one, you will be getting a well-paid job; e.g. accountant, math teacher, entrepeneur (I think that's how it's spelt) cause you need to calculate risks. The other, is that you will know how much you will be saving when shopping at Tampines Mall's mega sale (happening now).

Ask Lee Kuan Yew or Lee Hsien Loong or even daughter-in-law, the CEO of Temasek Holdings. Work hard on your math and device an algorithm whereby you get to live luxuriously on your people's income plus the increase in tax. Distribute the country's wealth unevenly, a bit more from each person gets diverted into your account, and to protect your status say,"It is a long term investment for Singapore." I guess what they don't want to tell you, simply because it's down right wrong and dispicable, is that,"It is a long term investment for us as well. Hehehehehehehehehehe. Can't believe it's so easy!"

But then hor, I guess it's just an opinion from someone who is not living in luxury lah. Don't be influenced ok. Listen to the people at the top, not the one at the bottom (rank lower than your nose).

Seriously, living in a country where the standard of living is high having an income of $2000 is not enough to feed 5 mouths. In the past, about 5 years ago, $2000 can feed 7 mouths and an Altis/Waja. Now, you need to have a part-time job so as to make ends meet. Not only that, every member in your househole has to work if you are not studying. I would rather stay at home because that way the net expenses will be reduced. However, the logic fails to work. If you don't work, it means that you are adding to the burden. You are increasing the family's debts instead of decreasing it. It is as if there is one deficient motor that refuse to be fixed. Consequently, the family unit cannot propel forward but be dragged behind.

And can you still deny the fact that you need money to survive in a place like Singapore? I am not talking about living. Living is when you get to splurge without worrying if there will be surplus for tomorrow. I have $28 in my account right now. And I need to survive till late April. You think it is possible? I am about to give in and put myself on a noose. "Why not ask from you parents, surely they have," you might ask. Well for one, I see desperation in their eyes. They are seeking for ways to increase the family income to pay off debts and other financial matters. "Why don't you get a job?" I've applied for lots since January. So far I've worked for 1 week at Otis and 7 days in total as a relief teacher. No one wants to hire a temporary staff. It's a waste of money.

So now I'm pennyless, practically. And since money is widely equated to life, if you string the logic you will see that I have no life, even before I noosed myself. Pathetic right?

But I read somewhere that God has plans for His creation. He either blessed them with wealth or without. Those without are tested on their faith. However, that doesn't mean that you should resign. You still have to put in effort to better your condition. The problem I have now is what else can I do? Do you know the punishment for those who are ungrateful to His gifts? Very bad punishment.

Sunday, 18 March 2007

Selfish Me

I have a brother, 3 years my junior. He wanna goes to sleep but I wanna use the computer. The computer is in our room. So because of the bright lights, he grumbled and tossed to the other side; together with his tantrums. The only difference is that he faced away from the computer direction but his tantrums at me. As a selfish person, I dimmed the computer screen lights so that there's practically little light left for me to blog. But hey, who cares? They are my eyes. Who cares if they are spolit? And I'm typing slowly so as not to make so much noise. Sefish aren't I?

Another incident. He came back from work, sometimes out with his friends, at 1 a.m., barge into the room and ask me to sleep on the mattress on the floor because he wanna sleep on my bed and use the computer. Sefisj aren't I? I mean he only does it about 3 times a month since saturdays he doesn't come home. He sleep over at his friend's, without having the courtesy to inform my dead worried parents.

I do his dishes. I do his laundry. If I don't then he'll yelled at me and tell me that his work/school uniform is important. He needs it in the afternoon. This is when he wakes up at 2 or 3pm and finds that his uniform isn't washed and he needs to rush for work at 4pm. Yup, selfish aren't I? Washing mine and the others' laundry but not his...

Silence doesn't mean concede

I think people need to realise that doesn't mean I'm keeping quiet means I am conceding. It simply means that I am being patient and giving in. It's not that I wanna purposely let you win but I don't wanna cause a commotion and affect those who are not involved. So please, when you bitch me around and I keep quiet, don't think I don't care. I am not cursing you underneathe my breathe. But you just tesyed my patience and your chances. One I don't give a fuck about you, that means oblivious to what you say or do then it means that you have crossed the very high tolerance level. Yes, I can joke and take sh*t. But don't go thinking that you are getting the upper hand.


My brother is not that bad la. And my family too. I mean I always place them before myself but the fact that I even consider myself in the equation and that how I can manipulate the situation so that all of us will get what we us, it still means that I am selfish. So yep, selfish Ruzaini. Sell fish...

Saturday, 17 March 2007

"Sex and Gender". Is there a difference?

The term "sex" and "gender" are often used interchangably. They are believed to have meant the same subject matter. Interestingly, anthropologists, sociologists, gender theorists and psychologists today are saying that they do not belong to the same category. In fact gender is defined as "a social construction, that it is "performative," and that one is always in the process of becoming a gender rather than actually being a gender" ( whereas sex "refers to the male and female duality of biology and reproduction" ( Thus gender would refer to the physical attribute of a person and it is bounded by cultural belief. Since you have breasts, it means you display femininity. Therefore you are a female. Sex, on the other hand, would refer to the intrinsic quality of a person. Hence a person maybe seen as a male but he is homosexual. If you think the complication stops there, here are some of the categories that fall under gender and sex.

(A) Gender

(i) Male

(ii) Female

(iii) Transgender- it is a generic term used by an individual, a community and/or society who self identifies themselves as either male/female/neither/both. *They do not imply any particular form of sexual orientation

(iv) Genderqueer- these are people who identify themselves as neither "man" nor "woman", or a combination of both

(B) Sex

(i) Heterosexual- refers to "straight" people; the normal kind

(ii) Homosexual- these are people who are sexually attracted to those of their kind.

(note: "lesbian" and "gays" are some of the terms used. "Gay people" can be referred to gays and lesbians. Gays and homos are terms often used interchangably but they, like gender and sex, are not exactly the same thing. Gaymen are attracted to men for more than sexual reasons. It is like a man attrated to woman for more than sexual reasons, though some are not, still it's that chemistry that I am referring to. Homos are sexually attracted to and may even engage in the physical intimacy with men (or women) only. They are sometimes called down-low (for man).)

(iii) Bisexual- these are people who are attracted to both man and woman

(iv) Pansexual- these are people who are attracted to people of all sorts of sexual orientation

(v) Transexual- it is a state in which a person self identifies him/herself as the gender opposite to the gender (for this case I am referring to just man or woman/male or female)

Phew...I think I've covered all. Feel free to add if I had missed out on any.

Why am I doing this you might ask? Well, all of us are aware that some people do not follow a traditional classification. We see these people a lot. We live among them. We see them at Far East, Bugis, Shaw House, Changi, Geylang and other places lah (must I name all, I don't know all). Unfortunately, due to their unconventional classification they get stigmatised by ignorant people. I feel sad for them. It is very difficult to rationalise their being but the least we could do is to accept. However, accepting is not enough. We have been schooled to understand something before we can accept them such as religious teachings. And I am one of these "unconventional people" I realise. It wasn't something that happened overnight. It took me a very long while to come to this. Mostly due to my conservative upbringing and strict religious teachings. I dare not break the moral boundaries.

Society, community, friends, family and religion dictate what I should be. And I know that this subject matter may bore you, but it is important to me- as a person to just know who you are. Do I need to explain further? I want to rationalise this. It's basic human nature I guess. Consider this a sequel to my pevious entry. And I don't think I will stop any time soon. It is interesting to know more about yourself and the ambiguity of it. At the same time, it frustrates and irritates me because I cannot classify them neatly. Somehow, there will be clashes. Nevetheless, I am not going to be passive. Call me the next Socrates if you wanna. Haha.

There are many stories out there about forbidden love. And you, as the audience, get to feel the frustration and wish that something would happen to change the course of events. Most of the time, if not all, the couples are reuinted because of some heroic deeds done. Well, moving into the real world- a world where pain and suffering, laughter and joy, emotions and feelings- exist and real; they are almost tangible, forbidden love is as real as you and I. As the mouse you touch to scroll down the screen. And it frustrates you that you are helpless. Although some people simply couldn't care about what others and religion, I do. I have a family that is oblivious to this. And friends too. I only told some. Even that I don't think I did the right thing. I have my religion that firmly governs my actions and principles. I can let go all of these and enjoy that blissful feeling, as others describe it as, true love brings but I will have to pay a very heavy price. Is it worth it? I am trapped. I do not know what to do...

Right now, I'm living by the conventions. It is very unsafe to reveal or disclose your true self. Firstly, because we are living in a rather conservative society still. Secondly, I have not form a strong conclusion of who I really am. Perhaps it is best to keep the matter low. Afterall as they say,"ignorant is bliss." But,"what you don't know can kill you..."

Thursday, 15 March 2007

Things that really bug me, seriously

1. Large huge tortoises in the middle of the expressway

These are the kind of people who deserve the title "I am the most idiotic person around, ranked lower than shit!" I mean seriously, it is a huge aisle with plenty of spaces to walk their entire big fat fucking ass around. Yet, they have to conquer the centre lane and jammed the entire traffic. The worst thing is that they leisurely walk with, literally, their nose held high and pretended like nothing is wrong! What the fuck is their probelm? What, they never attend school or stepped out of the house before? Damn irritating. No courtesy whatsoever.

2. People who radiate nagative energy

These kind of people should be locked in a room with lead walls, and not be released unless they have sworn to contain such negativity in their big huge ego. What is wrong with them? Why must they spoil other people's good energy just because they are having a bad day? Now you see why they should be imprisoned? They should not be allowed to be in contact with other people except their own kind. Let's see how it goes...

I think all that they need to do is just to mind their words. Is it so hard to not wring your face and spout rubbish and spoil other people's day? A prime example: my dad. I hate him for being this because he has influenced and instilled that negative vibe in me.

3. People who are gong

I don't know whether to call them idiots or sotong simply because they are a little bit of both, behaving as one or the other at different times. Must things like clearing up after yourselves or after you have broken a vase still be schooled to adults? Adults mind you, not children. Yes children are gong sometimes but when you come to your senses and realise that they have a lot more to learn and that you as the adult or more experienced person in the situation thus the need to act accordingly, you will forgive them. But can you forgive gong adults? Take a look at this...

I was alighting the train one day. Which stop I can't remember. It doesn't matter anyway, the content of what happened on that day is more important. Ok, back to the story. In front of me is a group of adults. We were all waiting to alight at that stop. The train slowed down before coming to a complete halt, a little behind the outside door. We jerked lightly to the right. After regaining our balance, we waited for the door to open. The automatic entrance-exit door didn't open. So we all just stood there, looking confused. Pretty funny actually. But the joke ends rather quickly. When the door suddenly open, those in front just stood there- immobile. They just stood there till the door-closing signal went off. Only it occurred to them that they have to get out or at least move aside so that those behind them can alight. A bit too late right? Those who wanted to alight quickly rushed out, bumping into and pushing back commuters were boarding. Due to their stupidity I almost missed my stop and get squashed by the closing doors. Fuck those idiots. What the hell is their problem??

Wednesday, 14 March 2007

Retail Therapy

I went for retail therapy today. It was hell fun. I forgot how much fun it is since I’ve not gone for one for a very long time. Forgot about the fact that they are “outdated” stuff. I aint into fashion that much anyway. Here’s how it is…

Before discount:

(A) Giordano
-khaki pants: $49

(B) Converse
- t-shirt 1: $ 33.90
- t-shirt 2: $ 29.90

(C) Samuel $ Kelvin
- t-shirt 1: $ 16
-t-shirt 2: $ 16
-pants: $ 37.50

(D) Sistic
The original plan is to get the $47 plus $2 sistic fee
So, 3 tickets: $147

After discount:

(A) Giordano (50% on selected items)
-khaki pants: $24.50

(B) Converse (crazy)
- t-shirt 1: $ 14.90
- t-shirt 2: $ 9.90

(C) Samuel $ Kelvin
- t-shirt 1: $ 6.40
-t-shirt 2: $ 6.40
-pants : $ 15

(D) Sistic
I manage to get student discount, though I no longer am. Had to tell a white lie—I forgot to bring my pass.
So, 3 tickets: $119.40

Total 1: $182.30 (with sistic tickets $134.30)
Total 2: $77.10 (with sistic tickets $196.50)

I’m on the way to beat Tyra Banks and take over the coveted title as the Cheapo Queen (or king for my case). Watch out woman…the Ruzzie typhoon is coming…! Muahahahahaha

Tuesday, 13 March 2007

"The Arena"

Gosh...I'm watching "The Arena" now.'s so spicy. Like what the hell is wrong with these TV people...are they killing Loyang people or giving them credits?! First round...against Raffles., with Hwa Chong! Yes I am undermining Loyang because I think they might actually be slaughtered with words...Still Sonika and Shanaz are very good with words, not that well but good enough. They can kill I tell you (people like me). Still I want them to go against more schools...other than Raffles and Hwa Chong. Then...they will have a better chance to win. Do I make sense?? Eh I think that the motion in the show are always one-sided.

"Bloggers are becoming more influential than journalists" is the motion...well fellow bloggers since you can't make it to "The Arena", let's trash it out here. You people go ponder over this...I am just raising it up. I am going to stand by the motion.

One weird phrase spouted in the midst of the war of words...

"More internet."

Problematic idea...

"bloggers are online journalists." This one you cant deny. So the motion is essentially about virtual and printed media? Or the person who writes?? :/

Oh gosh...Loyang is losing...fuck. And they are shooting themselves in the foot, head and heart. Fuck...fuck...fuck! See la...I really think they wanna get rid of Loyang. Yes it is a that is almost impossible to win.

Ok that's it...I amnot going to watch the outcome. It's too painful. Man...I wish I was born with the gift to speak quickly and sensibly.

america and its issue

"A US congressional committee will likely pass this month a controversial Bill demanding that Japan apologises to World war II-era sex slaves, a lawmaker was quoted saying yesterday." (The Straits Times, 10th March 2007)

What will your reaction be? I was appalled. Firstly because it was, not is, an issue. It is not an ongoing issue, just an unresolved one. Why is the US only bringing up the issue now? My guess is that for the past 64 years or so, the Americans were doing an intensive research on it. I don't know the real reason. It all happened behind close doors. However, now it has made headlines. Therefore, nothing should be concealed. All relevant information has to be disclosed. So, back to the question: Why bring it up now? Not only would it jeopardise their bilateral ties but also realtionship with other countries. According to the writer, the US claim that Japan hasn't apologised but the Japanese said that they "sympathised with the women and had already apologised." So which is true?

The US claimed that Iraq has weapon of mass destruction (WMD) but they have yet to justify. How long has it been? Four years. They say that the 9/11 attack was because of the Al-Qaeda but during the collapse of the twin towers, no Jews were found in the building. Work of Islamic terrorists? I am still wondering...

America: the World Leader? Firstly, who gave them the title? Naom Chomsky writes on Hegemony or Survival. Or was it a self-proclaimed effort just like how President Bush barge into Iraq, like the hero, and save millions of Arabs from the sadistic Saddam Hussein who wanted to annexed the entire Arab nation. Though he faced strong opposition, where in the map is America and Bush's big bottom sitting? Oh, I'm sorry. It was Palestine, or was it Iran, that informed the Bush Administration and asked for help. A few weeks later, BOMB! No words. Just BOOM!

It is puzzling to see our "leader" doing something that might jeopardise themselves. Still, what do you expect from a country who's president sent 300,000 youths to a war-zone area, risking their lives, and one that had sex with his secretary. According to," 25 percent of all child sex tourists around the world are U.S. citizens." Though this figure may not be big statistically, what about this then,"the largest number of people trafficked into the United States come from East Asia and the Pacific (5,000 to 7,000 victims)." (

So who should be the one to apologise?

Sunday, 11 March 2007

What an experience!

Today is a better day than yesterday. I went out with my family and came across blog-type things.

Story 1

I went to cut my hair today. I figured the time has come to do something about this crowning glory of mine that was beginning to look more like the undergrowth of a densely populated forest. No, there are no crawling stuffs on my hair. Neither are there any living organisms except for my cells if you consider them as living organism. I went to EC House. The hair stylists greeted their patrons with the japanese hello,"konichiwa!" I slot in ten dollars into the vending machine and my card was dispensed. Went to sit down and wait for my turn. Finally, the time has come. I asked the hair stylist for her suggestion because I really dont know what to do, or what hair style to choose from. She said something and I nodded. The work process began. When I took out my specs, all I saw in the mirror is a mushroom growing from my hair. About ten minutes later, my hair volume doesnt seem to decrease but when I put on my specs...volla! A brand new hair cut. One that I have never gotten. Sorry that I cant show the before and after pict but all I can say is that it looks neat yet funky. Yup...go figure.

Story 2

We went to Mustafa Centre to waste time and money. I wanted to buy the "Kinohitsu" (I think that how it's spelt, anyway) because I just wanted to know how much toxin are there in my body. I didn't get what I came for but bought a new facial wash and an oral medication for acne. Before I went to get those two things, a group of black people came in. I first say a black man then one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, kids with three adults behind them. My first idea of a strong man with many kids diminish when I saw the sixth kid onwards. Haha. I guess they were on a school excursion but why Mustafa Centre for the kids? I mean they look 9. Maybe they are from a local school. Either way...why bring the kids to a shopping centre?? Haiyo these people eh...

Saturday, 10 March 2007

it's all coming, no more like crashing, down...

It's that time again. Yes, that time when everything is sliding down into the trench. I don't know why I am blogging this maybe because I just wanna place to pour out these ordeals. Or maybe I am such a f**king bitch who can't handle stress. Either way, you can carry on reading or switch to another blog. You can choose from my links or open your own. But be warned, the content of this blog WILL shock you.

I met this person online (note I said "person"). We have chatted for quite sometime. I am glad that we did because well I think I just need to chat. Let's call this person "me". I think I like "me" so I told "me". It was embarrassing. I didn't know why I said it on msn to "me". Anyway, "me" just went silent. I guess "me" was in shock as well. It all took place this morning.

Now, thinking back I am very confused. Why did I say that? Did I mean it? What was I thinking? Maybe you guys are already frowning. Firstly because of what I am saying and secondly because of where I am getting to. Trust me, you wouldn't wanna know. And I don't wish to say it either. If you get it, well kudos I guess. If you don't, well kudos I guess. It doesn't matter. It's just that it is very weird, bizarre, confusing, perplexing, insecure and down right wrong. But is it? I mean put yourself in my shoes. Would you want to live a double life? may sound perposterous. But...

And it is very stressful. You will feel like your blood vessels are going to burst, literally. And you will literally want to shoot yourself to cover up the shame. Yes it is embarrassing. Yes it is immoral. Yes it is dispicable. Yes it is disgusting. Yes it is heinous. Yes it is disgraceful. Yes it is hard. Yes it is difficult. Yes it is stressful. Yes you would wish it is not like this. Yes you wish that I am you.

It was not a problem. I could cope. Even now, it isn't. But when your mind suddenly approach the subject matter, and after countless effort to suppress it, it becomes relentless thus you have to face it. Can you imagine being conscious all the time, I mean EVERY SECOND of your beating heart?! Sure people will laugh to tease. That's what they do best. I mean, where's the harm in calling people names, embarrassing them in public, scrutinising their actions and being superior?

My point is I am tired of hiding. I am tired of concealing. It's not me. I wanna tell others but it might be a hasty decision. You are trapped in the middle of a game of tug-of-war, each side strengthening their pull. I just wanna puke. Vomit everything out. Cleanse myself. But the part that I want to get rid of just don't wish to get the f**king hell out of me. What should I do? What can I do? Nothing. That's the only answer. Nothing. What other option are there?

You often watch TV shows like Oprah or Tyra that feature people who HATE, have a strong aversion for, themselves. You will never understand what they are saying unless, or until, you have personally exprienced it. Personally go through that ordeal. Only then can you relate to the pain and suffering, and stress, confusion, emotions that the featured guests are feeling. You can try. But the true extent of the agony is far more stronger.

I don't need sympathy actually. I just need assurance and understanding. I want to come clean. Come out of the closet but it is not safe enough. People are still being critical and they will put you under the telescope. You will not be left out of their radar. It is still dangerous. Way too perilous. Better not risk it. My very own flesh and blood are kept in the dark about this matter. I don't want to hurt and disappoint them. But you people, I don't see you people everyday. I don't go to sleep and wake up the next morning seeing you walking around the house. Their disappointment will forever be slapped on their face, and mine. It's that I don't love all of you. Take it from my stand.

I will not comtemplate suicide anymore. I have been in and out of depression. No one knows till now. Now the entire world will read my confession. I just wannabe alone. Maybe alone at the carribean or something. No one in sight. I think I need that space and tranquilty so that He can speak to me. So that I can feel Him. So that I know He loves me. So that I know He is there. And my faith getting stronger. I need Him. I can't speak to Him in my prayers cause I don't think He listens and that I am way too distracted. I need to empty those distraction so that I can get to Him and He to me. I love Him. But I don't know if He loves me. I also know that in Islam, I learn that He never lets any of His creation out of His sight regardless of how heinous the person is. But sometimes you just need that assurance.

For those of you who has read this blog, you can keep it to yourself and spread it. It's your choice. My control stops here. But I don't want anyone, anybody, to treat me differently. I love the way you guys have been treating me. Unless you have been nasty, it would be good to change. Keep it that way. I don't wish to sing Nelly Furtado's song one day and mean it:

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

Friday, 9 March 2007

Post-mortem report on A level results cum 1st week aniversary

it's ova!

Phew...finally the anxiety is ova. The long agonising wait has ended. Reality sank in. No more living in denial. If you excel then good. If not, well I dont know. I am not good with words. Drama sparked everywhere. From those who cry because they did extremely well to those in hysteria, moaning ova their failure. Never have i witnessed an array of emotions. A spectrum of behaviour in one place. A myriad of expressions.

I must admit that I was devatated with my results. I didnt quite do as well as I had expected still the grades that I got reflects me. My bad for losing momentum at the 11th hour. My fault for putting Desperate Housewife and Grey's Anatomy before my exams. But I cant help it. I said," life goes on. These shows have no repaet telecast." Boy was I naive and so wrong. Now I am a desperate bitch who needs to get a consultation form many doctors...haha. kidding.

Pelez. I think getting As is not such a big deal if you really think about it. I mean the one on your left gets an, or maybe more than one, A. so is the one on your right, front,centre, two, three, four, tens of people within your radius. and you...with an A, a B and a D (which if you scramble he letters you will get bad) seems to be the odd one out. But upon close examination, you are the "outstanding" one! isn't that good? I mean...seriously.

And, for the record I dont think my grades are bad. It just spells bad. I kinda like it. No love it. it.

Ok now off to NS in april, then NUS. Later...hrmmph. Haiya that's later story. Later can tell and blog (or bitch). Meanwhile...I need to get a job. Anyone want me to blow something? haha. get it?? I'm so kinky. If this carries on, it means I got no life. Save the massive liquid explosion for something more worth it, right?



Hrmmph...I don't know what I can do now. It's just too bad that I took the wrong combi and a mojor exam to realise how foolish I am. I mean lit? Like hello!

Quote from Fiona (05S401- shw did extremely well btw):
"You know what, it's not like you did badly. Often, the examination are not good gauges because it's a one-time affair. A lot is dependent on chance and not actual ability. I believe you are really capable so don't be too discouraged man!" (She's so sweet. And do you realise the way she phrased her words, no wonder she got a 1 la.)

Quote from Dr S (love her so much):
"You know the thing about self discovery is finding your strenghts and weaknesses. We all have them. The thing we love may not be the thing we are good at (gosh now I'm contemplating if I am really good at acting or am I just deluding myself :/) but that won't stop us from loving it and enjoying it (she is referring to my keen interest in lit). But maximse your strength by pursuing what you are best at."

"I suggest you do something math related." (a reply to another of my message: "What do you suggest I do then?")

So I asked around and it seems that econs (the subject that I could not make sense of once) is my perfect major (wonder what grade I would have gotten if I had taken econs and GP too cause apparently the line that separate these two subjects are rather blurred). Yup...hopefully I wont change my mind in 2 years time. And i think i wanna do a minor in European studies since I wanna learn german. heh.)

That's it for now. Da!

Thursday, 8 March 2007

so how does it go again??

Ok, english is a simple language to understand right? But there are some things I don't quite get.

Here's one: you cannot teach an old dog new tricks; and one is never too old to learn. So can we still learn when we are old or does it apply only to dogs? Donkeys also cannot what.

Another: the sky is your limit; and be realistic- set reachable goals. Which one do I follow?

The advert on buses: My first job interview, "Will I say the right things?" Well with those hours waiting for and being on board the bus, you will definitely have time to dwell on saying the right things. The problem is can you be there to say what you have thought of. The way it's phrased is so cunning don't you think. You have to be technical and really good in English to not be fooled. Don't be like me. Often kena tipu.

another day...

Ok...ya I agree that I was getting a little bit (pardon the understatement) obsessive with blogging. Hey, it's something new that I am doing! One can't help but be too overly excited. Haha. But I do have a good reason for this.

Another jobless day has come and will soon be gone. The school that I had been going to hasn't called me for like 1 week! That is like $65x7days poorer! Do you know how devastating that is?! Why can't people realise that my resources are thinning. Like hello people, what do you want me to do? Ask TAA? They are busy getting each other's rsources. Don't wannabe trapped in between. NKF? (knock knock) Durai? Hey, you still have something in your pocket? Like a couple of I don't know...mils or condoms, oops my bad, i mean condos? Cannot la. He has faced his karma. What goes in when out to his lawyer's and ex-friends pockets. kaching-kaching-kaching it goes. Can't you hear it? It didn't have time to channel to this account here. And my parents, well...a bulk of my use-to-have paycheck went to them (my mom especially, she thinks that eatra zeroes are in front of the decimal. Can't blame her. She needs money.) Who else? You? If you want, can...I don't mind. Please by all means. Let's meet and do the transfer. It's safer. Later the money goes to Hsien Loong's how? Anyway, I'll be honoured. Please give generously (note: minimum of $50). Alternatively you can call 1800-to-ruzaini's-account-because-he's-desperate-for-cash-500 and I'll get back to you shortly. =)

Sorry to digress. Where was I? Yes, my sappy story...(cont'd)...

I was just beginning to enjoy Paris' and Nicole's life. Living the high life. I was just becoming a happy boy. A boy who has been longing for that original bona fide Levi's, beautiful kashmir sweater from Topshop, exquisite taste of Mamak's roti prata at Jalan kayu, the new Calvin Klein perfume and the ok-maybe-not-so-new nokia 5300. Gone! Gone! Gone! Gone I tell you! Gone! Everything that I have ever hope for since my first $65 paycheck get washed down the drain like sh*t down the toilet bowl. Haiz...Now...I'm back to that lonely kid who sits in his room in Punggol Field who one day dreams of getting 5 BAFTAs, 1 Golden Globe, 2 Oscars and constant guest on Oprah and to get a body like Ashton, photographed by Tyra banks and have lunch with Meryl Streep and/or Helen Mirren.

Why is this happening to me? Am I in purgatory? It seems like it. All the good things that I want He doesn't give. Instead, He rewards me with things I don't even imagine like a plasma TV, X-Box game console, air-conditioned room, my own TV in my shared bedroom instead if free tickets to watch Titoudao, Blithe Spirit, Singapore Boys goes Chicago, 235, Phantom of the Opera, Les Miserable, Rent, R21 shows, M18 movies, jet ride to Atlantis Hotel, the Carribean and you know the things ungrateful teenagers wish they have. They would give up anything...including their dignity and life (which should rank higher?) just so that they can taste that sweet taste of high life (sorry la my engrish very chau da, explains the 6 i get).

That's it I guess...Nah. OCD is hard to kick. though we often undermine the severity of such condition. Go Wikipedia it up (I've provided a link for your convenience. See hoe nice of me. Now where's my 50 or 500 dollars huh. Not cents. Better be thankful I didn't ask it in sterling pounds), watch Oprah or TyraShow. Go educate yourself with something other than what to wear for work (this in not MODE or RUNWAY magazine) or what to give your friends for their birthday. Please la, take it from me. The would-be King of Cheapos. I must beat Tyra Banks to take over the crown and reign supreme. Just give them your time and friendship. It's priceless FYI (get the pun? haha).

Ok, now I think I'll shut up. Your turn to speak. Remember the tagline: ME-SAYING...BECAUSE I'M WORTH IT!

Wednesday, 7 March 2007

things to ponder...

1) One day I went to school to collect my 'A' Level results. The first ride cost $0.87. The return ride cost me $0.65. I take it from the same stop. Pass by the same number of stops. Anyone care to explain?

2) I was watching FRIENDS the other time. I love the show, absolutely. And I miss it dearly. I wasn't a fan till the entire season was over. Anyway in this particular episode Channelor said something witty and hilarious.

Channelor (to Phoboe randomly): Hey, Donald Duck doesn't wear pants right? But when he comes out of the toilet, he has a towel around his waist. I mean, what's the deal with that?

I think it's something along this line...

3) Why do we laugh at the videos feature in American Funniest Videos? Most of them are anything but funny? Is that why we find unnecessary people in Iraq who claim to maintain peace while they massacre the "terorists" (civilians)?

4) We want our teens and children to excel in their academia. But why do we have campus superstar and the minimum age limit to contest such as The Dance Floor, Anugerah and Singapore Idol at 16? Isn't it like hanging a piece raw meat over a lions's den or placing ice on the table in a room of ex-abusers? The only difference is that the latter scenario is more dangerous don't you think...? Now, do we want Singaporean Lindsay Lohan, Macaulay Culkin and some others I cant remeber? I think we do not want to go to that extent but we don't mind stretching the limit and see how it happens. A risk this "liberal" country is willing to take. Heh.

5) Are those people who like to bitch trully bitches, like seriously? Or they just insecure people? I am not referring to those peers of ours who bitch for fun or those smart people who can quickly silence us with their witty one-line remark that make us go "ouch"! I am talking about those strangers we meet everyday that exude that negative aura and irritable vibe when we stand beside them. Isn't that disgusting...who is the one with issues?

Title: Are you A student?

I was reading The New Paper the other time regarding the “poor” GCE A level results some students get. The general view of these students from top junior colleges of what constitutes as “poor” grades is not getting the perfect score. On one hand, I share their devastation. On the other, I don’t know if I should sympathize. What is wrong with not getting perfect score? Is this the consequence of a result-driven nation?

I think the real devastation is what has happened to these students. They seemed to be warped into getting good grades. Even the term “good grades” has been warped. Getting straight distinctions used to be known as excellent grades. It is a pity that such bright students cannot see the simple pleasure of getting distinction. According to Ouyang Hong Yue, a RJC student interviewed by The New Paper, said that,” It’s not a big deal to get 4As in (his) school…”

I guess to be in a good school, it is deemed ordinary to get perfect, or close to perfect score, since everyone else is getting the same grades. Ironically, it is when you performed below “average” you are “outstanding”. It bugs me that terms such as “average” and “good” have been overstated. The true meaning of such words is lost. They have been altered to suit the current situation, to adapt to the ever changing and result-driven world. And by doing so, it affects those students who are not as “good”. I am referring to students from other junior colleges placed lower in the ranks.

I was devastated when I received my result slip. I did not perform as well as I had expected. I did not get that 2As and a B I was hoping for. I felt incompetent and I blame myself for my failure. However, a few days later when I read about students who were devastated because they did not get 3As or at least 2As I was confused and annoyed. I began to ponder over their weird behaviour. It was then I realize how much emphasis we have placed on getting “good” grades, which ironically under-value the quality of the As. Although many students work hard for their As, how does that differentiate you from your competitors?

Still, the question is: have Singaporean students become brighter or are the papers getting easier? Or are we placing too much on academic achievements and asking them to grab the scholarships? First of all, let’s look the different ways scholarships are given in different countries. In the US, the criteria seem more lax. Almost anyone can apply for one. I subscribed to one agency and I get hourly offers sent to my email. In Singapore, it is more stringent. Plus the scholarship is a form of recognition of their hard work, on top of a way to help fund their tertiary education. It is very competitive. And only the “excellent” students are considered. Students who lack distinctions or leadership qualities will not stand a chance.

On one hand, I am glad that the government and companies are still upholding the value of a scholar—that he or she has to be a dynamic person. On the other, they are sending out the message that one has to follow certain standards, which would pose a problem to students like myself who lack the leadership quality and capabilities to get As. And to know that my efforts will not be acknowledged as great those students is dampening to the spirit. What happen to celebrating the diversity of talents? Probably because there are not many companies who are doing well like those in US thus not many scholarships are given out. They are only given to those with potential, who fortunately get to showcase their potential early. I do not blame them. I can wait.

My point is that I am a student. And we should realize that there is no such thing as ‘A’ student. There are many students with different capabilities. I just want to be given the chance to show what I am capable of and be acknowledged, to have the chance to apply for bursaries at least to help fund my tertiary education, be in locally or overseas. I understand that it is an investment therefore careful measures should be taken. I wish this trend will change when the economy is doing better.

Like a virgin/touched for the very first time...(hrmmph)...

hrmmph...yay? haha. i guess every virgin will definitely lose it one day, especially when the pressure is proliferating. not to mention in your face kind. i mean now all of us wannabe part of some community right?

who wants to be left alone...even when you die you have the earthworms, ants, slugs, snails, crikets, all sorts of worm to keep you company. when you bathe some mysterious figure will always be looking (so what muslims believe).

so in this time and age, we have transcended from the realm of living people to a world where anything can and will happen. a world that is free from any form of formal government. now that is true freedom! maybe that why many of us prefer to escape to this virtual world. no laws to curb what we want to do. no one to stop us from saying abt that bitch sitting at the front of the cafeteria. not even lee kuan yew! (shall we clebrate?) human beings, we have brains right (despite only using 10% of it still the point is...)? we have feelings right? we share similar emotions right? we know what is right and wrong right? we can differentiate can we not? we know what will anger, annoyed, ticked us right? then why do we still look for trouble? we know that we have been webbed! caught and unable to free ourselves. but then again...why free ourselves? everything we need in here. everything has been webbed. this is the new life. going back to living in a village as we progress and expand more into the future. it's paradoxical. but what to do? humans are afterall very complex and hard to understand. even freud and jung and their disciples cant comprehend and simplify everything. it will forever be carve in stone as one of the greatest mysteries in the universe. muahahahahahahah.

ok that's it for my first entry i think. i am no longer a virgin. i have been touched and blogged.