Sunday, 20 July 2008

I got scared

I have been thinking about...things.

Maybe I should push it back to a couple more years later. It was simply too scary.

But it doesn't mean it'll not come; just got delayed for awhile.

Though it does mean that nothing is how it's appearing to be. A smile, a laughter, a giggle and a jolly load of time doesn't mean I've been happy.

It is something everyone does to make a mockery of others. I for one am a good mocker. Not many people can see through the disguised and not many more care. There are a lot more who are oblivious to both.

I like to escape the gripping bareness of my life. It's brought nothing more than a mere existence of this set on stage; much like a prop - important but un-lasting. When the play is over (note: not ended), the stage is strike. Leaving the bare and coldness of space to take over once more.

That is how it has been - in episodes. The last few ones are coming, drawing a close to the story. And like any book that's being read finished, it's closed then shelved.

I know I am not alone in this. There are million others in this world who are going through the exact same thing as I am. But that's them, and this is me. That's the essential difference. That's the only essential difference.

Still, if you refuse to accept the above then think of it as another Holocaust. Easy to draw the similarities? Thank you.

I am an entertainer. I entertain and bring joy to others. But sad to say the same cannot be for me. An entertainer cannot entertain himself. It is his duty "to not do unto others what ether's do unto you."

There were depressing moments before but they've not lasted this long. This has been longer than a moment.

Of course it doesn't mean I've not been happy before. I have, I think. I just couldn't remember how it feels like to.

Remember my "tired" face? It's not exhaustion perse. Well, maybe it is. But it's more of a tired of living kinda thing. So I think I'm going to retire to bed again. I don't know why but I've been very tired lately. All I want to do is sleep.

Till next time. Good day.


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