Like a Cow whose pussy got stuck

I'm frustrated. I'm fucking frustrated. Like whatever I do and be in is not right. That's fucking frustrating you know? Fucking frustrating.

Simply said I'm like a cow whose pussy got stuck. Use the phrase if you wanna. It's gonna make its way into the English dictionary anyway. Soon lah. Wait till I talk to the relevant people hor.

I stayed in camp yesterday. Mum blasted in the morning, again. Wanted to get away from it all. And I spent the night with friends at SMTI. Bunch of cool people. A good getaway. Well since I got no where else to run to, staying in camp was the best option. Besides, I know its safe. Food's there. Shower. My own bunk. What more can I ask for? All the basic necessities are there. That's why I love camp. People don't understand lah duh. They call me crazy. But camp is like a weekend home. My own dwelling place. My own place. My space. This of course is not the frustrating part.

If you still haven't realised, I don't quite like to blog about negativities that have happened to me. I choose to forget them. One way is not blog about them. That way I won't need to recall the incident, right? I will if it keeps harping.

Haiks...I'm frustrated about my english. Can't I write nicely? I mean I'm aware of my grammar and thank God I don't make mistakes as often. But I'm frustrated that I cannot express them better. It's like I try and try and try and try and the fucking expressions just don't fucking change.

Why this bothers me? Cause I aspire to be a writer, too. You tell me, who'd read my book if I were to write like this?

Ya, ya. Maybe I'm being too hasty. I mean I never tried. How can I know right? Who knows I could be better than Catherine Lim or Stella Kon or Haresh? Kakakakakaka! Yeah right, right? Fuck man. Cow whose pussy got stuck.

Okay, what does it mean to have a good command of the language? My idea is to be good at coming up with wonderful expressions effortlessly, not forgetting the grammar and semantics lah duh. Is this a valid idea?

Why am I even asking you? It's not like you're somekind of theorist or linguist or something. Whatever. My ideas are valid. They are true. And they will stay. Unless someone can make me budge. =)

Okay, problem. I suddenly got a bit, a bit only not very much, concern of the words "true" and "valid". It's like I think they're problematic terms. Alright, here comes me philosophising the words again...

Okay. Here's the problem: "true" and "valid". It's like something can be "true" but it may not be "valid", likewise vice versa. The Einstein laws are true and valid. But to me the increase in GST last year are true but not valid. Euthanasia is immoral is not true but valid. Okay, another sexy and much debated word: moral. For this case, I'll leave out the argument for what is "moral". Not gonna talk about it. It's too chimp-panzee.

But whatever lah! Moving on...

Man. Why am I not smarter? Why can't I be better though I try, relentlessly. I'm fucking frustrated I'm not smart. This is my problem. This is the issue. This is it. To look better. More popular. Dress better. Think better. Be better than everyone else. I feel so stupid. God I feel so stupid. Gosh, I am stupid.

And dumb. Assholic. Idiotic. Pathetic. Ghoulish. And...

Love ya'll