My bunkmates are cool. We from different backgrounds; from all walks of life. And it is interesting to listen to their stories. It helps me build up the different kinds of personalities the characters I will be playing.
Our nicknames are: Gerpal, Java, Bitch, Rose, Papasan, Request, KL, Safari, I/C, Nick and CB (chi bye).
And it's a surprise to meet some of the ex MJCians. These are the people whom I met:
- Ferino
- Luqman A
- Faris
- Ezad
- Fabian
- Ken Teh
- Thomas (Sargas OG)
- Adam
- Jeevan
- Fuad
- Danial (Drama president)
- Han Long
- Zhi Yi
And of course my primary school friends and some other people whom I've met before but we lost contact along the way. Very Cool.
And I learnt that soldiers are not just people who carry guns and chiong when there's war. The are mentally and physically intellectual beings. They plan, strategise and execute their agenda swiftly. You should see the fluidity of how things work. Very efficient and disciplined. Traits that every actor, and on a more macroscopic level, man should have. I really love it. You should experience it to get what I'm saying. Words don't explain enough. I can't wait to go in again.
I wouldn't deny the audacity we have to overcome, especially the physical training, but it's worth it. My gameplan is to have fun. Enjoy every moment no matter how daunting it is. We also have to be accepting and open-minded.
However, on a more serious note, I have fallen prey to Cupid's vicarious appetite to make love happen. I think I have fallen for my sergeant. He is very handsome. No one in the entire school of 3000 or so looks as good or better than him. What initially seems like a crush and something to not be taken seriously develops into a strong liking. My mood is greatly affected by his presence and absence. Whenever he is not around, I will feel upset. It's subconscious; and later I became conscious of it when my close friend raised the matter up.
He wasn't in camp last Monday and Tuesday and I felt miserable. Now I won't be seeing him for 5 days (from last friday to next Tuesday). I don't want to imagine what is going to happen.
The thing is that it's complicated. I don't know if he also like me or not. It feels right yet wrong. It's beautiful yet ugly. It's either acceptance or rejection (on his part). And of course there are religious, societal and cultural laws that we have to abide by. I feel pain. Simply painful.
And the song My Baby You by Marc Anthony has been playing continuosly in my head for the past 2 weeks. It hurts deeper each time I hear the song. Here's the lyrics:
As I look into your eyes
I see all the reasons why
My life’s worth a thousand skies
You’re the simplest love
I’ve knownAnd the purest one I’ll own
Know you’ll never be alone
Chorus:
My baby you
Are the reason I could fly
And cause of you
I don’t have to wonder why
Baby you
There’s no more just getting by
You’re the reason I feel so alive
Though these words I sing are true
They still fail to capture you
As mere words can only do
How do I explain that smile
And how it turns my world around
Keeping my feet on the ground
(Repeat Chorus)
I will soothe you if you fall
I’l be right there if you call
You’re my greatest love of all
(Repeat Chorus)
(my baby) I feel so alive
I really don't know what should I do. I really don't. I seldom talk to him. Wait. I cannot bring myself to talk to him. I got tongue-tight each time he is like an arm's length away. I could only give a wide smile while my heart race. I don't think I have met him before but he looks very familiar and that I have known enough about him. It's very uncanny. But one thing for sure is that whenever I lay my eyes on him, I will have that Zen feeling. It's confusing. Complicated. Terrifying. Agonising. Dubious. I can literally go berserk thinking about it.
Don't you find it funny? The two of us got to be in the same company and platoon. And he said that he "sayang" (adore) the platoon and he asks us to "not miss" when he's not around. The subject that he is addressing could sepcifically meant for me. Mate, lit student lah. So I'm sensitive to words. But then again he could just be saying it in passing.
And he is getting close to my close friend, my bunkmate lah. And he ensures he looks presentable most of the time. It could just be his personality. Or could it be subtle hints? YA I KNOW. DRAMA MAMA HOLLYWOOD BOLLYWOOD. But if you areme, someone who is desperately expecting for a reply, you can understand the reason for me to stoop to such pathetic level.
Another song in my head: Be Without You by Mary J. Blige
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you(Oh, oh, oh, oh)
Oooo (oh, oh, oh, oh) oooo
Chemistry was crazy from the get-go
Neither one of us knew why
We didn't build nothing overnight
Cuz a love like this takes some time
People swore it off as a phase
Said we can't see that
Now from top to bottom
They see that we did that (yes)
It's so true that (yes)
We've been through it (yes)We got real sh** (yes)
See baby we been...
Too strong for too long (and I can't be without you baby)
And I'll be waiting up until you get home (cuz I can't sleep without you baby)
Anybody who's ever loved, ya know just what I feel
Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it
Call the radio if you just can't be without your baby
I got a question for ya
See I already know the answer
But still I wanna ask you
Would you lie? (no)
Make me cry? (no)
Do somethin' behind my back and then try to cover it up?
Well, neither would I, baby
My love is only your love (yes)
I'll be faithful (yes)I'm for real (yes)
And with us you'll always know the deal
We've been...
Too strong for too long (and I can't be without you baby)
And I'll be waiting up until you get home (cuz I can't sleep without you baby)
Anybody who's ever loved, ya know just what I feel
Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it
Call the radio if you just can't be without your baby
See this is real talk
I'm always stay (no matter what)
Good or bad (thick and thin)
Right or wrong (all day everyday)
Now if you're down on love or don't believe
This ain't for you (no, this ain't for you)
And if you got it deep in your heart
And deep down you know that it's true (come on, come on, come on)
Well, let me see you put your hands up (hands up)
Fellas tell your lady she's the one (fellas tell your lady she's the one, oh)
Put your hands up (hands up)
Ladies let him know he's got your love
Look him right in his eyes and tell him
We've been...
Too strong for too long (and I can't be without you baby)
And I'll be waiting up until you get home (cuz I can't sleep without you baby)
Anybody who's ever loved, ya know just what I feel
Too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it
Call the radio if you just can't be without your baby
Heeeeeeeeeeeey Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
Heeeeeeeeeeeey Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
I wanna be with you, gotta be with you, need to be with you
So much have happened in these two weeks. Little did I expect any of them to happen. It has been quite an experience. A great difference from my past 5 months (December to April before enlistment) where things were pretty apathetic.
One last song that aptly conveys my innermost thoughts: Real Love by Massari. Pay attention to every word.
"Real Love"
(Boy,boy) I'm goin' outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin' outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby (boy) I want you to know
I'm watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about
Baby I was there all along
When you'd be doing things I would watch you
I picture you and me all alone
I'm wishing you was someone I can talk to
I gotta get you out of my head
But baby (boy) I gotta see you once again, again
It's real love that you don't know about
(Boy, boy) I'm goin' outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin' outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby (boy) I want you to know
I'm watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about
Every night when I would go to sleep
I couldn't stop dreaming about you
Your love has got me feeling kinda weak
I really can't see me without you
And now you're runnin' round in my head
I'm never gonna let you slip away again
It's real love that you don't know about
Every now and then when I watch you
I wish that I could tell you that I want you
If I could have the chance to talk wit cha
If I could have the chance to walk wit cha
Then I would stop holding it in
And never have to go through this again, again
It's real love that you don't know about
(Boy,boy) I'm goin' outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin' outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby (boy) I want you to know
I'm watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about
Today when I saw you alone
I knew I had to come up and approach you
Cuz boy I really gotta let you know
All about the things you made me go through
And now he's lookin' at me in the eye
And now you got me hopin' I ain't dreamin' again,
Again
It's real love that you don't know about
Every now and then when I watch you
I wish that I could tell you that I want you
If I could have the chance to talk wit cha
If I could have the chance to walk wit cha
Then I would stop holding it in
And never have to go through this again, again
It's real love that you don't know about
(Boy,boy) I'm goin' outta my mind
And even though I don't really know you
I must've been runnin' outta time
I'm waiting for the moment I can show you
And baby (boy) I want you to know
I'm watching you go
I'm watching you pass me by
It's real love that you don't know about
You're the one that I want and no one can take
It from me
No, no, no, no, no
Even though I don't really know you
I got a lot of love I wanna show you
And you'd be right there in front of me
I can see you passin' in front of me
No, no, no
Girl I need your love
Baby I need your love
Love y'all.
No comments:
Post a Comment