Like rubbish stuck in a pipeline, this is the same for my life...
I admit that I'm not having a good time living.
Number one. I'm having breakouts. I don't know why. I exercise, I avoid oily food, nuts and I wash my face regularly. Still I have breakouts. Hormone problems? Fuck hormones! Fuck it!!
Number two. My mom is prying into my life. I need and want her out! I wanna move out. With some total strangers- it wont bother me if they're a srial killer. That might be good. =)
Number three. I feel like a tub of lard walking around. Like Frankenstein. Everything about me doesnt seem good to look at.
Number four. I'm losing faith. I won't be out of my religion. I won't let theat happen. But I'm losing myself. I'm drifting like a restless soul. I cannot find peace even in the things that I like to do.
Number five. My mom's overly ridiculous behaviour that my dad is seeing another woman simply because he 1) doesn't switch on his handphone, 2) doesn't answer one phone call from her, 3) comes home five minutes (literally) later than usual, 4) finishes his money in a day or two after she has transfered some money into his account. These are four out of the hundred ridiculous reasons she can think of. I am not kidding about the number of reasons. I'm too mad to recall anymore. Even if I do, after listing all I'll end up on tomorrow's papers cover page. And a ticket to hell.
Number six. My dad's all-negative-look at life as a whole. E.g. He can never be out of debt. Another: He blames his employer for promoting new workers and raising their pay instead of his. 3) He is right, he knows what is good. "Either listen or I'll flare up."
Number seven. I'm feeling claustrophobic.
Number eight. I know that I'll disappoint all, including myself, at anything I'll do- getting good grades, getting good job, getting into a good school, counting on a shoulder to cry on, etc.
Number nine. I cannot get my registers right. My notes and keys are often off despite my best attempt to do it right.
Number ten. I'm happy and problem-free on the outside. The happier I look, the more I'm withdrawing from myself.
Number nine. My MOM IS STILL IN DENIAL THAT I'M HER SON (OR IZZIT DAUGHTER?). WE HAD A TALK THE OTHER DAY AND SHE WAS OPEN ABOUT IT. SHE TOLD IT OFF. SHE WANTS ME TO BE MORE MANLY. BOY, I HAVE NEVER TRIED THAT IN MY LIFE ALBEIT THE CONSTANT NAGGING. =)
Number twelve. My time is coming. I can tell. =)
Love y'all
1 comment:
I typed in Google "things that are clogging my life". because that is how I feel at this moment.. and your link came up.. I know that I am not alone feeling this way, and see that U have done I think a very good job in a good 1 - 10 order of analysing what U think is Clogging your life.. I have yet to approach that step just now... however,, I noticed U started with the complaint of acne.. and also that U are looking for a solution.. I can tell you that U are allergic to something,, also don't let your hands touch your face, I notice when I scratch my forehead the dirt under my nails cause flare ups. after a week of not touching my face with scratching, the bumps dissapear..it is a nervous habit, that I became aware of,, stress can cause you to do things subconciously, and don't ever ever wash your face with soap.. the natural oils in your skin need to protect your skin from bacteria developing.. I have stopped washing my skin with soap, and creams in 1997, since then I have had FANTASTIC SKIN your skin naturally cleans itself on the face and in the shower the water washes away dirt. don't wash your face with soap.. I can indeed help you with the acne..I am 33 years old now, and from age 16 to 23, I always had problems with zits I couldn't understand it.. for 10 years now I have had skin like a model!! also,, I don't eat any food with artifical flavours, additives, and packaged food, it is not about the fat or grease, as I eat greasy deep fried prawns and no zits.. that is a myth,, it is all the artifical crap they put in the deep fryer oil of McDonald's french fries, once I start eating McDonalds, I get zits.. alchohol gave me acne too, I have stopped alchohol a long time ago,,, and that really is a bonus.. I know the acne will dissapear on you, if you think what I am saying is right, and when that happens a nice feeling will be there I hope for you!! I don't know what is exactly causing me to feel clogged up, but I Feel like I am not listened to maybe that is it..Maybe I will write some poems and go do an open mic, at least I can fool myself that i am being heard..I know U will feel better if U start taking Vitamin B it is true, U will feel like when U walk the birds are singing U a song.. I need to do that too, and I will start tomorrow morning when I wake up, it is nice to read your thoughts up here, I hope U are doing well now in October!
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