I almost went into mild depression yesterday. I got into this state whenever I feel lousy, like stupid, pathetic, worthless, incapable, stumped, corrected.
The fact is I'm not smart. And I'm bad with words. Very bad. I cannot place words nicely together. Somehow, despite my best attempt, the sentence formed sounds weird. And I don't know how to correct it. Been trying since secondary 3 after my teacher said that I have a major problem with my expressions. And I think it got better in JC. I could see the improvement. Drastic change. My lit essays start to bleed even less. And I was very happy that I mange to improve so quickly. Then yesterday I met this guy online and he is very good with his words. I was left stumped most of the time. It's not that he used big words. It's the way he phrased them. I like it cause it challenged me. Yet at the same time, I felt incompetent. It's like we are in a different league.
So I felt bad and dumb. I won't blame him cause he was teaching me. I blame myself for being complacent. But this is how it usually work. I will blame myself for being stupid so that I get to get over this lousy feeling. I believe that I have to face this problem so that I can get over it. And now I'm blogging it to let it go. Of course the effect is not instant. But at least I am facing the problem and feeling better. Afterall I need to realise that I am Me and there's nothing that anyone can do about it, except for myself!
Love y'all. Muakz.
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