Moving on is so hard

I visit Huda's blog recently. She had changed the song on her radio blog to Six Pence None the Richer's Don't Dream it's over. When I first heard the song, memories of my childhood came rushing back and I almost teared.

I remembered the time when I was eight or so and the entire family- immediate and extended- went out for a family bbq at east coast. I remembered their voices calling out to each other to pitch the tent, prepare the food, asking for thongs. It's was chaotic. The children running around the area, all my cousins playing police and thief and catching together. And of course there are those who felt left out and not want to participate. Pulling the long face. And some of us try to coax him/her to come and play along. And sooner than expected all of us were running around at the playground. Laughing and having the time of our life.

I remembered my late grandmother. How she looks and sounds like. Being the the mother of the situation. I heard her voice, calling the kids,"Hey come here and eat. Stop playing for awhile." And we would all flock to the picnic area, most of us from the sea.

I stop reading her blog for awhile.

Then I remembered the time my primary six friends and I went to the shop opposite of our school during our lunch breaks during the school holiday remedial lessons. Some of us would go to the coffee shop while the rest to this provision shop to buy snacks. I know that I always buy the donut there. It was only 60cents. And of course we would chat and joke around while choosing what we want.

And the time when we wanna go home- walking through this small passageway behind the classroom blocks. And we would say our goodbyes and joke a little before parting. I would walk alone cause I wasn't living near their area. Sometimes we would visit the "Ah Seng shop" we call it to buy snacks to feast on while walking home.

The good old days. When problems are the least of our concern. When Singapore was still a growing nation and everything we have was enough. Things were cheaper. Thinking back of those nostalgic days made me wanna stop living the present and go back to the past. I miss my late grandmother on my mother's side. And I would want to spend more time with my late grandmother on my father's side too. She passed away when I was 4. I can still remember, very vividly, kissing her forehead before she was sent away.

Now, I don't feel that I have cousins anymore. We rarely meet. The only time when we do is during the first two days Hari Raya. Even so we do not talk. We became strangers. And I hardly see my primary school friends either.

I don't think it is the lyrics of the song that made these memories come back. It's more to the music and melody of the song. It sounds very calming and soothing. Very nostalgic.

Love y'all.